Episode I: Oestrogens

The moon was not visible; it chose to hide behind dark clouds which were in fact, pregnant with rain. As if on cue, the healthy wind caught some illness and died down, leaving behind a lingering musty smell, the kind that… lingers, which announces the rain to follow.

A man walked the road, wearing a rather peculiar expression on his face, with numerous thoughts fighting the war of Khazad-Dum in his head, or rather the battle of troy or maybe it was Batman versus Superman. His cheeks were a darker shade of vermilion. Heavy steps, which meant frustration or was it blushing? The weather thought this man’s facial expression so funny that it decided to take a picture. It also proceeded to laugh at him thunderously; in fact, it laughed so hard that it broke into tears.

The man cursed at the weather and let out some rather creative expletives. The man decided to jog his way to the hostel which was nearby. The tenants of the hostel, looked upon this funny man with what seemed to be steam escaping his curly hair and, successfully stifled their respective laughter. The weather apparently found this even more amusing.

‘Look at that thunder’ Fatbass said to Neko and Kuma, who were in their respective slothful postures, looking at the IPL match streaming live on YouTube. Neko ever ready to pounce on a badly framed and or an ambiguous sentence; pounced.

‘So you can look at thunder now?’ Neko asked condescendingly. 

It was a lame counter question but, that’s how the people in this hostel are. They derive sadistic gratification in asking the obvious question and, patting themselves on the back celebrating the personal triumph when the other person repeats the same sentence using proper grammar this time.

‘He he. Sorry, hear it. Hear it.’ Fatbass chuckled. Victory! Time for a pat on the back and, open the ceremonial bottle of Coke.

Neko coughed.

‘Hey!’ said Fatbass, ‘That cough sounded like stupid’

‘Don’t be silly’ Neko remarked.

At this juncture, the half soaked man entered, you know, the one that had a funny expression on his face. He looked at Kuma and extended his hand.

‘Key’ he said.

‘Welcome back Robby’ Kuma said as he un-hooked Rob’s key from the bunch and handed it to him. ’Wow, you are soaked’ he added. Obvious statement made, sadistic pleasure derived.

Rob went to his room; towelled himself dry picked up his packet of smokes, locked the room and proceeded upstairs to Roy’s room.

Roy was trying to figure out at what state his mind was in. he felt sleepy, but he had just woken up. He looked at his watch; it was eight in the evening. He sat up, and regretted that immediately as he felt the blood rush up to his brain. Everything was fussy? Or was it Blurry? He heard someone enter the room and, ask if he had woken up yet. He remembered the voice it was Rob.

‘Hey! You have smokes?’ Roy asked. That question is a sort of a reflex among the smokers in the hostel. ‘I think I might be coming down with something; everything seems blurry’

‘It could be boredom’ Rob offered. ‘Or, it may be the pressure from lazing around all day!’

‘Hmm, could be.’ Roy seconded

‘Or it could be the case that you are not wearing your glasses’ Rob chuckled as he lit up two cigarettes and handed one to Roy.

‘Arse’ Roy said as he wore his glasses and took the cigarette from Rob’s hand.

The weather apparently had found other funny looking people as it started laughing again; apparently it also took a lot of pictures.

‘It will be cool tonight.’ Roy sighed. Coolness in Roy’s room is a guest that visits for a very, very, very short period of time. As a result of which, Roy’s room felt like a second hand coffin which meant that its previous owner was a sweaty, smelly and a flatulent bastard. The reason for which, these two are trying to make the room smell of cigarettes.

‘What the hell happened to you?’ Roy asked, ‘you are looking as if you got sunburnt or, are one step short of a nose-bleed’

‘Yes’ Rob commented. Roy waited to hear the rest, in vain.

This was odd, as Rob usually had a ready explanation for, well, most of the things. Roy decided to subtract two from four, to find out what the mystery of x was all about.

‘Did something happen with the receptionist?’Roy asked.

‘No she is fine and healthy’

‘Did something happen between you’ Roy pointed at Rob, ‘and the receptionist?’

‘Ah yes. The receptionist; it totally slipped out of my mind. I don’t think it will work out’

The can of worms was visible and within reach.

‘Won’t work out? Why?’ Roy subtracted away.

‘Yes. I should probably forget about her’

‘You never asked her out.’

‘So? What does that have to do with anything?’ Rob asked.

‘Everything’ Roy said incredulously. Incredulously mind you he did not exclaim; that would be pushing it.

‘Well then, you are wrong’

Now that the mystery of x was solved, the can needs to be opened, which in this case, is tough.

‘I’m not- look you-‘Roy was getting excited. He was close. He knew. He took a deep breath, ‘you cannot forget before you even start you arse’

‘Ah. I see you have been working on the brit accent’

‘I know lots of speaking in front of the mirror. It’s a Long story.’

‘It’s kind of easy actually; you just need to speak as if you have a rod up your arse’

‘The butt crunching exercises paid off.’

‘Now, you not only have mastered the brit accent, but also have a nice butt. Not that I’m looking at it or anything’

‘You did get me worried there for 3.698 seconds’ Roy said nervously.

‘He he. Talk about two cheeks with one hole’

There was a sudden silence; the statement just lingered about the room like a fart. Unfortunately it did not last long as both of them broke out laughing. Roy then realised that the topic had already been high jacked. It’s time that the train of thought got back on to the rails.

‘Now, Shut it and tell me what happened’ Roy decided it was time to take charge now. The can needs opening.

‘Well I was watching a bond movie and-‘

‘Not how you developed the accent you arse-‘

‘You really have got a good hang of that word now’

‘You’re deflecting’

‘Deflecting?’

‘Which means something terrible happened’ Roy had the can in his hand.

‘Maybe’

‘And it embarrasses you.’ Then like lightning it hit Roy, ‘That’s why you were so close to a nose-bleed!’

‘Mayb- No. not at all.’

Roy grinned; the can opener was in his hand.

‘Shut it. Tell me what happened!’

‘I don’t want to’ Rob shrugged.

‘C’mon you can tell me!’

‘Is that how it’s going to be now?’ Rob asked half-yelling.

‘What?’

‘Yeah we should go about sharing everything are we?’

‘What? I did-‘

‘Right then; why don’t we just put our heads on each other’s shoulders and cry!’

‘What the hell?’

‘Yeah, and mind you this is just one step away from pillow fights in our briefs!’

‘Fuck No!’ Roy exclaimed.

‘Hmm, interesting choice of words’ Rob pondered.

‘Wha- hell no! no no no’

‘What? I did not say anything yet. Wait a minute; you are imagining it aren’t you? YOU SICK GAY BASTARD! I can’t stay in this room anymore!’ Rob stood up, gave Roy what was a look of I-have- got- everything-to-hide-and-nothing-to-gain and walked out of the room.

Roy sighed, and started to turn his laptop back on, when Rob came into the room, sat on the cot and said, ‘So, what’s up?’

Roy was about to yell to save his sanity, stopped himself short when Fatbass entered the room with a wide smile that revealed his set of teeth, which have not been brushed for half a decade.

‘So? What is it that I hear?’ he said in between short bursts of laughter.

‘How do I know?’ Roy rightly pointed out, ‘those voices are in your head!’

‘Which are not real! Go see a psychiatrist!’ Rob added.

A rather obvious lure, it had seemed both Roy and Rob had found their entertainment for the day. Entertainment, which in this context, is making Fatbass contradict his statements and thoroughly confuse him. After which there would be a serving of Fat jokes and a convergence of ideas on experimental liposuction procedures. And it is NOT the perverted thoughts crossing your minds.

However, Fatbass was not biting. His smile grew even wider which, now revealed plaque deposits. He looked at Rob and, started laughing uncontrollably. Fatbass then caught his breath (which is important for a guy the size of Fatbass) and the proceeded to say, ‘I know what happened on the bus with you and the receptionist’ and smiled wider than humanely possible. 

The bacteria colony of Deep Molar, founded on slurry of chips still lodged in the cavity of the molar had now been discovered. Rob and Roy threw up in their respective mouths.

‘What happened?’ Roy asked.

At this point Rob tried to restrain Fatbass, which was a futile task; Rob however was confident in his abilities of restraining others. Then he saw Deep Molar again, which took away his confidence and sat back down. ‘Oh well rip of the band-aid then’ he thought

‘He was sitting next to the receptionist on the bus like he had planned, when the receptionist asked for his phone to make a call.’

Roy was at the edge of his seat and Rob was thinking furiously of a fat-joke that would make Fatbass’s elucidation pointless. He drew a blank.

‘She made the call, and typical of girls, she started going through the pictures in the mobile. Then she suddenly got up and left’

‘What?’Roy half yelled ‘That’s it?’

‘Roy,’ Rob said, ‘do you remember when Fatbass took my phone to the bathroom yesterday?’

‘Yeah, he said he wanted to browse Facebook while he was in the John’

‘Well, it is safe to assume he was not browsing Facebook rather, he was downloading some pictures to check his plumbing!’

The weather had found a guy, who was struggling to start his stalled bike in the rain after it went over a rather wicked pothole. It was going to take a picture of him, when a sudden roaring laughter came out of the hostel and frightened it. Shocked and frightened, the weather stopped laughing and taking pictures. It then, went ahead in search of other humorous areas.